Seeing and Sharing Beauty

Author: Hitzeman Photography (Page 2 of 13)

Giving Empathy: A 4-Step Formula

Over my lifetime I’ve had a hard time giving empathy. I’d often excuse myself until one day my wife Marti gently said, “You are so competent in so many things. I bet you can become competent in being empathetic, honey.”

This was a challenge for a guy with an ego that sees itself as competent, wise, and action-oriented. When I see my highly capable Marti troubled or in tears about something and ask her about it, I usually go immediately to giving solutions or advice.

Wrong approach!

I recently listened to Brené Brown’s audio book “Men, Women, and Worthiness: The Experience of Shame and the Power of Being Enough”. Brown suggests the following 4 steps on how to give empathy. They seem to be working, but I’ll admit I’m still a novice (take that, ego!). Here’s what I got from it, framed in a me-she interaction:

1. See the World as She Sees It

“If you can learn a simple trick, Scout, you’ll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view, until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.”

Atticus Finch in To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee

Try to take her perspective. This really takes some work, because my first thought is “Jeez, why can’t she see this my way?” As I am not a woman, and especially not this amazing woman, I have to work hard to try to get into her experience and imagine how she sees things—her perspective.

2. Be Non-Judgmental

“Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.”

Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People

If I let my ego run things, I’ll think I know everything and that I can judge my wife for not being “x”. This will only lead me into giving advice or solutions. As I said earlier—wrong!

The x thing represents all the ways I think I am superior. But in truth we are all at least partially deficient in those things. As Brown puts it, “We judge in areas where we feel insecure.”

3. Understand What She Is Feeling

Acceptance is Understanding. Understanding is Love

Thich Nhat Hanh

Here again I was awesome at implementing the wrong approach to this. I would say something like “So, you must be feeling ‘y’.” Wrong, Marti was not feeling y, and this made it worse because it showed I was reading her mind wrong.

The better approach is to ask in a curious and friendly way, “How are you feeling?” This is what my daughter Helena often says to me after I’ve had a new medical procedure. Asking Marti this will educate my know-it-all ego to proceed more”wisely”.

4. Communicate That You Understand

Once you’ve completed steps 1 through 3, you now have the basis for communicating that you understand. And, if you have had the same kinds of feelings in your own life under similar situation, you can even say, “Yes, me too, I’ve felt ‘y’ too when ‘xyz’ happened in a similar situation.”

However, given all that, and knowing that I should not give advice or solutions, I sometimes end up just telling her a lot of stuff about how wonderful and amazing she is, followed with, “How about I fix you a nice warm bubble bath.” And BTW, I didn’t get this from Brené


So, as my dad always said, “There you have it!” I hope this helps shed some light for you on what has been, for me, a baffling skill to learn.

Peace, love , soul, and rock ‘n’ roll!

Harry

To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up.

Ogden Nash, “A Word To Husbands”

Photo Credit: Archie Fantom

2019 Capturing Nature Exhibit

Hello Everyone!

I’m excited to announce this exhibit of the Morton Arboretum Photographic Society. Over 30 photographic artists are represented, and 90 works are displayed, most of which are for sale (30% of the Sale price is donated to the Bloomingdale Park District Museum). Three of my works are in the exhibit, 24″ x 36″ gallery-mount canvas prints.

I’ll be at the opening reception September 22, 2 pm – 5 pm. It would be great to see your there!

Harry

Morton Arboretum Photographic Society

Presents the

2019 Capturing Nature Photography Exhibit

WHERE

Bloomingdale Park District Museum
108 South Bloomingdale Road
Bloomingdale, IL 60108 [map]
630-339-3570

WHEN

EXHIBIT: September 14 to October 12, Hours Wed. 4-8 pm, Th 12-4 pm, Sat 9-12 pm
OPENING RECEPTION: September 22, 2 pm to 5 pm

Photo Credit: Dulcey Lima, David Schooley, Bill Dixon

You Are There (for Those Who Weren’t)

My “You Are There” exhibit at the Morton Arboretum in Lisle, Illinois was so much fun, to see family and friends who live locally, and to show 23 prints of my art and a fast-paced 6-minute video of my most dramatic images.

Now, for those of you who were not there, here’s 15 images you missed!

Water Color

“Water Color”, Haystack Rock, Cannon Beach, OR, June 28, 2010

My wife Marti made me take this picture. I was sleep-deprived, discouraged, and defeated by the cloud cover of the previous 36 hours. I really deserved a nap. “If you take a nap now, you’ll miss what you came here for, honey.” God bless her!


Warm Creek Gold

Warm Creek Gold
Warm Creek Gold, Lake Powell, UT, August 15, 2011

My Cub Scout uniform had colors of blue and gold.  In scouting I learned to love the freedom and beauty of the outdoors.  Now in this new age of digital photography, I get outdoors early for serenity, solitude, and to capture some stunning sunlit beauty.


Jay Pritzker Pavilion

Jay Pritzker Pavilion, Millennium Park, Chicago, IL, February 18, 2012

Architect Frank Gehry’s design glows under colored lights and a trellis supporting speakers over the Great Lawn – a giant shiny ornament, a surprising sight during a Chicago February, while nature sleeps in the cold and dark, preparing for Spring.


Majesty Doubled

Majesty Doubled, Owen’s Valley, near Bishop, CA, October 29, 2013

I usually look up to see mountains. Looking down and also seeing them mirrored at my feet took my breath away.  You can learn more about this location in my blog post Majesty Doubled.


Tufa Transition

Mono Lake Tufa Transition
Tufa Transition, Mono Lake, Lee Vining, CA, October 30, 2013

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.”


Reinhold Niebuhr

Chicago Riverwalk

Chicago Riverwalk, Chicago, IL, June 26, 2015

Many architectural details adorn the Chicago Riverwalk.  A soaking rain lets their surfaces gleam and sparkle under an electric rainbow.  Reflections dance on the water to amplify the gaiety.  (Bring a tripod, a poncho or umbrella, and a friend.)


LaSalle Street Lights

LaSalle Street Lights, Chicago, IL, June 26, 2015

The city at night needs neither sun nor clouds – it makes its own light.  These unlit street lights form a parade of silhouetted posts, marching to the golden grain face of the Board of Trade Building.  A little rain is the frosting on this golden cake!


A Band of Light

A Band of Light
A Band of Light, East Beckwith Mountain, Crested Butte, CO, September 30, 2015

Our timing was perfect – the yellowest aspens I had ever seen! And the clouds were a photographer’s best friend, letting a little sliver of sun shine through.  The beavers were still sleeping and missed this sight.


Aspen Stepping Stones
Aspen Stepping Stones, Maroon Bells, Snowmass, CO, October 1, 2015

I love capturing mountains and fall color reflected in water.  This string of stones was a welcoming path into nature’s Fall Fantasy Land!


Mossy Little River

Mossy Little River
Mossy Little River, Great Smoky Mountains National Park, TN, October 27, 2015

Moss means no direct sunlight. But the golden reflected sunlight bouncing from a canyon wall signaled me to trek down the side of this river bank to capture the glow seen by these mossy rocks.


Little River Light

Little River Sunrise
Little River Light, Great Smoky Mountains NP, October 30, 2015

“It’s all about the light!” AND the shapes AND the colors AND the perspective AND the time of year AND getting out of bed AND … the eyes and persistence to see what you might have driven past!


Beaver Marsh Dawn

Dawn at Beaver Marsh
Beaver Marsh Dawn, Cuyahoga Valley National Park, OH,

This calm scene was truly worth getting up early for!  Hints of color of the sunrise to come, a lone twiggy tree stretching across the beaver pond to meet the lily pads, the fog creeping in the horizon – all combine here to calm my frenzied urge to get the shot!


Saturday Night Pacific

Saturday Night Pacific, Cape Perpetua, Yachats, OR

On this Oregon Coast trip, 55 MPH winds and rain kept me in my car photographing seagulls who had hunkered down in the grass. But if you wait long enough, the day will come when the seagulls fly, the light is perfect, and all the scenes are above average.


Wabash Avenue Magic

Wabash Avenue Magic, Wabash Avenue Bridge, Chicago, IL, September 13, 2018

I once visited Disneyland and was awed by the Parade of Lights – magical floats covered in thousands of tiny lights.  Now, seeing the City at Night, I light up with an even bigger Magical Feeling than that 27-year-old father felt back then.

Under the Bridge R&B

Under the Bridge R&B, State Street Bridge, Chicago, IL October 30, 2013

I played with Red and Blue for this image.  The bridge and I were born in 1949, and we’ll be 70 years old in 2019.  Google does not know how many rivets it holds, nor do we know how many breaths are left for each of us to enjoy it.   Both matter – for now!


I will include the video a later post.

Timelessness

“What did you do as a child that created timelessness, that made you forget time? There lies the myth to live by.”

Joseph Campbell

As a child, I had a feeling of timelessness when I was engulfed in Nature.

Watching a sunrise on the shoreline of Lake Michigan, its sandy stretch of crushed seashells and pebbles tickled by an ever-lapping lick of the lake water on the land.

green tree photo

Exploring a corner sandlot, undeveloped, unconstrained by concrete and buildings, with tall trees and half-exposed roots stretched around and over me.

cornstalk-kimmy-williams-549051-unsplash

Nature was there even riding in the car with my father to the country to get fresh sweet corn, the window open and the air streaming over my upturned little face, watching the vastness of the cloud-spattered blue sky streaking by.

To me, this was the timelessness that Campbell speaks of—the type that was infinite and that exposed the beauty and secret corners of nature.

Another kind of timelessness is a blanking out of time—a numbness to time. It was solving problems, and being paid to do so. A job. Perhaps not always as much fun as being out in nature, but a nice way to pass the time and get paid for it. Raise a family from it. Take my own kids on a vacation in nature.

Working in information technology, I was the magician, taming the machine to do what the client needed, to save that user profile or lookup an insurance claim payment.

Now, I am retired from corporate life, no longer bound to solve those problems. I seek more and more of the first kind of timelessness. And I will create more photographs along the way that remind me of those timeless times.

Note: Corn and tree root Images on this post are courtesy of Pexel.com

I would be so happy to see you there!

There will be refreshments, admission is free, and there will be a MAPS Meeting presentation at approximately 7:30 by Jim Schulz – “Creating Animal Portraits”.  Jim is the staff photographer of Brookfield Zoo.  He will share what he has learned in 3 decades of animal photography.

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